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Look at it in the Light

by Kate Bollinger

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1.
I Found Out 02:52
I found out that I was the problem Until then I thought it was you Lived each day in search of an answer I’d find nothing before it was through Without doubt, well what would that make me? Without certainty, what would you be? I found God by looking in parked cars It wore off, the day was then bleak Pleases me to know I might be wrong If only I had known it all along
2.
Who am I but the one To start out and finish in the place I came from Wait, who am I but someone Who will resign to the comfort of who I always was Days go by, I feel the same I don’t know when I’ll make the change My mind pretends not to feel this way But my heart knows I set out on a sinking ship I’d rather slip than be alone on the island I’ve come all this way I surely oughta know better Wait, who am I but the one To start out and finish in the place I came from Wait, who am I but someone Who will resign to the comfort of who I always was Who am I but a ship in the night Lost but headed for you Crossed my wires, unknown are my desires A confused point of view
3.
Something’s not right, I don’t know what Maybe it’s just my own thing, but I don’t think so Look at it in the light, it’s better to know Than to hide in misery, hiding forever To hide in misery, suffering forever To hide in misery, waiting forever I know the way things change So I try not to notice, I deny my fate I try not to notice, it’s a losing game I try not to notice, I try not to notice Wait for the time with everything measured It’s not a crime to seek out pleasure Look in your eyes, you’ve no choice but to sever The ties, familiar doesn’t mean it’s better To hide in misery, suffering forever To hide in misery, waiting forever I know the way things change So I try not to notice, I deny my fate I try not to notice, it’s a losing game I try not to notice, I try not to notice I try not to notice
4.
I have some trouble keeping track of where I started Where I started My friends have occupations now and some have yards They’re tending gardens Please don’t leave me behind When the world is burning outside I wanna keep you pinned to my side I don’t know what I’ll do otherwise I lost some of me when I met you But I would lose even more if I lost you I’m viewing days like practice rounds Come next year I’ll know what to do I’m seeing beaches in my mind I’ll get there, it’s just a matter of time I’m finished mourning what I lost in the last year The past’s how I got here Please don’t leave me behind When the world is burning outside I wanna keep you pinned to my side, I don’t know what I’ll do otherwise
5.
It is alright It all gets better with time I lost my friend, now I’m losing all the light But then again it’ll come back if it’s right Lady in the darkest hour Smile all sweet like it isn’t sour I’d go back to last December To feel those things I can’t remember Wait for it, there’s an end in sight Soon comes the day when the tunnel fills with light Things couldn’t stay, but change has a certain bite Then the outside peels away revealing it was right Do you trust that time will be your friend? Do you trust that there will be good things to meet you in the end? Cause what I’d like to know Is this it? Lady in the darkest hour Smile all sweet like it isn’t sour I’d go back to last December To feel those things I can’t remember Lady in the darkest hour Smile all sweet like it isn’t sour Nothing’s wrong til you say it hurts you Let it go til it’s passed right through you
6.
Wait, wait a second Everybody’s telling me all sorts of things Wait, wait a second How come love so sweet can turn so mean? Wait, the more I know you The more I hate you, I do I spend my time connecting dots with resolve to Do just what you do I grew acquainted with not hearing myself The commotion became my devotion Wait, I got caught in the wrong thing We lost our heads, which we said we’d never do Wait, I’ll find the answer And I don’t mean the kind that comes from outside Wait, the more I know you The more I hate you, I do I spend my time connecting dots with resolve to Do just what you do I grew acquainted with not hearing myself The commotion became my devotion

about

Kate Bollinger’s songs tend to linger well beyond their run times, filling the negative space of ordinary days with charming melodies and smart phrasings. She writes them at home in Richmond, Virginia, letting her subconscious lead, an open-ended process she likens to dreaming. From a chord progression appears a line, maybe a syllable will start to stick, enough to pursue, but she says sometimes the words don't feel like her own, more like shapes that form in the mind’s sky. While many are personal and deal with the emotions that surface with finding her place in the world, she’d prefer they be whatever you’d like them to be, to connect with listeners in their own way. Bollinger’s musical universe is relaxed, tender, and unassuming; within lives a timeless sensibility, a songwriter’s knack for noticing the little things and their counterpoints. Darkness and light, pain and pleasure, reality and escape. These all have space to be seen on her new EP, Look at it in the Light, her first project on Ghostly International, arriving in spring 2022.

Bollinger’s project is collaborative; she shoots music videos with her friends and colors each of her folk-pop songs with musicians in her community. An agile group of players with backgrounds in jazz, they recorded her first EP, I Don’t Wanna Lose, as live takes in a single day, then slowed it down to build out her 2020 EP, A word becomes a sound. Bollinger sings quickly at times; she jokes that can get her into trouble when it comes to playing live, “some of these songs are going to be a mouthful.” She’s always been drawn to singers in that free-flowing style and got into the habit of writing quickly while watching her longtime collaborator John Trainum work with rappers in the studio. 

Forced to finish her last EP in lockdown, Bollinger, Trainum, and players excitedly returned to sessions in the spring of 2021 to explore a new batch of songs. The parameters were different this time, Bollinger explains, “We wanted to make limiting decisions and to stick with them, rather than leave things open, and we wanted to hear certain flaws and parts of the process.” Inspired by the music of the ‘60s and ‘70s, particularly a lot of the old Beatles demos, they focused on the orientation and clarity of sound. “I like being able to hear the bass, the guitar, the drums, the keys, and for each instrument to be playing a singular part that is good enough to stand alone.”

That clarity carries over into EP’s themes; the title Look at it in the Light is a reference to the aspects of Bollinger’s life that she knows need examining. For one, there’s her persistent resistance to change — she chooses to ignore it on the title track (“I try not to notice / I deny my fate”), as wiry strums sync with crisp drums. She surrenders to comfort on “Who Am I But Someone,” a light and softly psychedelic number that shuffles through “the measures to which I will go in order to avoid having to uproot the familiar things in my life.” Bollinger recorded the demo with Trainum and guitarist Chris Lewis in their shared month-to-month storage space, building on a composition she had written alone, later completing it in the studio with the full band. Together they came up with the sharp turn at the track’s midway point — a sudden shift in a song about staying the same. Therein lies the appeal of Bollinger’s music, the clever twists beneath the sweetness.

“Yards / Gardens” finds Bollinger in full swing, skipping verses of uncertainty above a bright and nimble bassline and kick. Guitar riffs unravel across the bridge, trailing her lines like ellipses. Growing up has become a motif in her work, but she’s never sidestepped the concept in quite this way. Here, self-assured and surrounded by vivid production, she leans back in the grass, letting expectations breeze by, reminding herself she’ll tend to things in good time (“I’m viewing days like practice rounds / come next year, I’ll know what to do”). 

The string-backed “Lady in the Darkest Hour” is the set’s most luxuriant statement, recorded during a session at Matthew E. White's Spacebomb Studios with in-house arranger Trey Pollard (Natalie Prass, Helado Negro). Here her lines ring bittersweet yet reassuring, uplifted by swells of golden-hued instrumentation. Searching for meaning (“Cause what I’d like to know / Is this it?”), Bollinger mirrors her subject in beaming delivery (“smile all sweet like it isn’t sour”), curving the words atop the rhythm and melody.   

From the hushed abstractions of “I Found Out” to the biting suspicions of closer “Connecting Dots,” Kate Bollinger uses every inch of this dazzling EP to find her footing amidst the ever-present sways of life.

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released April 22, 2022

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Kate Bollinger Richmond, Virginia

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